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Caren Wasta cuts flowers and greenery from her garden while making floral arrangements at her home in northeast Cedar Rapids, Iowa, Tuesday, Oct. 11, 2022. Wasta gives away the arrangements to anyone who wants them. Wasta does this in memory of his sister Deborah Waymire and his niece Elizabeth Hildebidle. (Jim Slosiarek/The Gazette)

Caren Wasta makes floral arrangements from flowers and other plants she grows in her gardens at her home in northeast Cedar Rapids, Iowa, Tuesday, Oct. 11, 2022. Wasta gives away the arrangements to anyone who wants them. Wasta does this in memory of his sister Deborah Waymire and his niece Elizabeth Hildebidle. (Jim Slosiarek/The Gazette)

Caren Wasta places vases with floral arrangements she made from flowers and other plants from her gardens on the front porch of her home in northeast Cedar Rapids, Iowa, Tuesday, Oct. 11, 2022. Wasta gives away the arrangements to anyone who wants one . Wasta does this in memory of his sister Deborah Waymire and his niece Elizabeth Hildebidle. (Jim Slosiarek/The Gazette)

A note is seen Tuesday, Oct. 11, 2022, at her home in northeast Cedar Rapids, Iowa, explaining why Caren Wasta makes floral arrangements with flowers and other plants she grows in her gardens and gives them away to anyone who want them Wasta is giving away the arrangements to anyone who wants one. Wasta does this in memory of his sister Deborah Waymire and his niece Elizabeth Hildebidle. (Jim Slosiarek/The Gazette)

CEDAR RAPIDS – When Elizabeth Hildebidle, 38, was killed by a drunk driver on Thanksgiving Day 2019, her mother had a hard time coping with the flowers they left behind.

Her aunt, Caren Wasta of Cedar Rapids, was one of the relatives left to help mother Deborah Waymire sort out much of what was left behind: Elizabeth’s belongings in South Carolina, matters for her son of 19 years and a garden of silk flowers. repairs.

Over decades, Elizabeth and Deb had constructed a litany of artificial flower arrangements. Deb was an artistic type, according to sister Caren. After Deb took a silk flower arranging class, she wrapped Elizabeth in her daisy chains and enrolled her in a hobby they would own together.

Together, mother and daughter practiced organizing memorials for various family members who had passed before them. So when Elizabeth died, no one knew how to release the remaining petals.

“Big silk vases everywhere. Deb had a story for each one,” Caren said. “It got to the point where we were laughing when I tried to give them away.”

How it was planted

In honor of her late niece, Caren contested the flowers in her garden. Every couple of weeks until 2020, she gave away 25 to 50 bouquets arranged with hours of care. Each one, at first, was placed in a makeshift vase like an old-fashioned pasta sauce or jelly jar.

He regularly gave them away by setting up a table in the neighborhood with an adapted political sign: “Free flowers”. After a few months, she became known as the Flower Lady in several northeast Cedar Rapids neighborhoods.

“I started making the flowers … because (Deb) lost the person she put those flowers with,” Caren said. “When I went down (to South Carolina) to help her get through things, she couldn’t get rid of the flowers.”

Caren, a surgical nurse, led by example, giving live flowers to honor Elizabeth’s memory when Deb couldn’t bear to give artificial ones.

But just as Deb began releasing her own bouquets of powder, she died suddenly a year later, days before Christmas 2020. After she was found passed out on the kitchen counter, a toxicology report came back without a conclusive cause of death for the 62-year-old.

“I think he died of a broken heart,” Caren, 61, said. “I think there really is a broken heart syndrome.”

How it flourished

After that, Caren had two reasons to give flowers: her niece and her sister. But with her second, even bigger giving season in 2021, a new purpose took root as the Flower Lady mourned the big sister she was so close to.

After two deaths in 13 months, Caren used distractions to delay the inevitable journey of grief. She found her grief didn’t come in a linear fashion—the loss sinking in in bits and pieces at a time, and the sobbing uncontrollable when she least expected it months after Deb’s death.

With the loss of two of the biggest celebrations of the year, the holiday season is a difficult time for your family. They celebrate in less traditional ways and on different days than before.

But cutting more flowers than ever before, the spectrum of colors she heals for friends and strangers hasn’t become another distraction on her healing path. They have become their way of dealing with it on rosier terms, an outlet that leaves room for healing and remembrance without stalling under the crushing weight of grief.

How he preserved life

By giving live versions of the silk flowers that Deb adored, Caren has ensured that flowers are not just a symbol of sympathy seen at funerals. Instead, she has made them a living reminder of who Deb was and, like the silk flowers that never fade, will always remain in the memories of those who loved her.

The flowers didn’t entangle Caren as another distraction. They became his personal way of facing death.

“It keeps (Deb) current. There are people who can’t talk about people who have passed, and I can, because it makes me feel better,” he said. “I don’t want to cry every time I talk about her.”

But what’s more is that by harnessing this regenerative power in her journey to healing, she has also touched the lives of others who have similar stories of loss. Each week, she receives about two thank-you cards from those who take flowers home, some of whom have lost family members suddenly or tragically.

The stories of those who have lost siblings stick with Caren the most.

“It’s heartwarming to know I’m not alone,” she said. “Everyone has their story of loss and likes to share it. It gives them that outlet.”

Almost two years after Deb’s death and three after Elizabeth’s death, her bouquets are given away in decorative vases a far cry from the repurposed glass jars she used to use. Those who know Caren donate dozens of ornate vases and trinkets to decorate flowers, and the more the Flower Lady gives, the more vases she seems to receive in return.

After trying to help Deb get rid of the flowers she didn’t need, the vase’s return rate has a special irony.

Who were Deb and Elizabeth

Deb was a classic middle child who was outgoing, gregarious and silly all the time, according to her younger sister.

A native of Cedar Rapids, Caren said Deb was “truly the middle child,” remembered for her flair for drama.

Caren’s favorite memory of her was the time she spoke in an Irish accent for an entire meal, staying in character at the restaurant and referring to Caren as her “big” sister .

If Deb were a flower, she’d be a zinnia.

“It’s a bigger bloomer. The more you cut it, the bigger the plant will be,” Caren explained. “It’s colorful, it’s strong, it was her.”

Elizabeth, described as a city girl turned country girl after her death, would have been a peony, according to her aunt.

“Great personality, smells beautiful, but has a shorter life,” explained Caren.

With the same gregarious nature as Deb, Elizabeth had a passion for rescuing horses and cared for a variety of animals on a 234-acre ranch at Two Tales Stables, a riding school she founded with a friend in Ridgeville, SC.

“She was telling all the kids that the horses were big unicorns and she was counting the unicorns,” close friend and co-founder of Two Tales Stables Kaijsa Dignam told her local news following her death.

Caren Wasta cuts flowers from her gardens while making flower arrangements at her home in northeast Cedar Rapids, Iowa, Tuesday, Oct. 11, 2022. Wasta gives away the arrangements to anyone who wants one. Wasta does this in memory of his sister Deborah Waymire and his niece Elizabeth Hildebidle. (Jim Slosiarek/The Gazette)

Caren Wasta makes floral arrangements from flowers, including red cannas, and other plants she grows in her gardens at her home northeast of Cedar Rapids, Iowa, Tuesday, Oct. 11, 2022. Wasta is giving away the arrangements to anyone who wants one. . Wasta does this in memory of his sister Deborah Waymire and his niece Elizabeth Hildebidle. (Jim Slosiarek/The Gazette)

Roses grow as Caren Wasta makes floral arrangements from flowers and other plants she grows in her gardens at her home in northeast Cedar Rapids, Iowa, Tuesday, Oct. 11, 2022. Wasta gives away the arrangements to anyone whatever you want Wasta does this in memory of his sister Deborah Waymire and his niece Elizabeth Hildebidle. (Jim Slosiarek/The Gazette)

Comments: (319) 398-8340; elijah.decious@thegazette.com